Rule #1: The Rising Rule
A faculty member is permitted to arrive late to any sanctioned FU event, leave
any sanctioned event early (aka premature "No Mas"), or suspend participation in event activities for the purposes of
taking a nap. However, you may not do all three at any one event.
Rule #2: The 50-Lapp Rule
Official Beer Scoring must be suspended when, at any event, any
faculty member assigns a maximum numerical rating of 50 to six consecutive beers. However, although scoring must end,
consumption is encouraged to continue.
Rule #3: The Presidential Rule
All decisions of the President are final. In the absence of the President,
the Veep shall have the full authority of the President. The President is solely responsible for determining what is,
or what is not, a significant digit during beer scoring. For the purposes of discerning whining, babbling or normal
conversation from official presidential decrees, when making official FU decisions the President shall preface his/her remarks
with the phrase "Wait a minute, I'm the damn President".
Rule #4: The McFaul No-Spare-Liver Rule
It shall be unlawful for faculty members to seemingly stagger their arrival/departure
times at FU events so that a condition is created whereby the hosts liver is effectively attacked in waves. Thanks
to Professor Steve H the following clarification is added: Taking the host to any event off-campus that involves the
consumption of spirits the day of and prior to the sanctioned event (i.e. a pre-party) has the same affect on
the hosts liver and shall be considered a rule violation.
Rule #5: The DeBruyne "Sam On!" Rule
If
after making the official parting statement "No Mas", another beer is introduced that simply cannot be avoided, a faculty
member may proclaim "Sam On!", thereby effectively retracting the premature (and obviously erroneous) statement.
However, tasting is limited to three beers under the "Sam On!" provision and "No Mas" must be affirmed following the
last beer sampled. In addition, no more than one "Sam On!" is permissible per faculty member per sanctioned event.
Rule #6: The Hutchinson "It's Tuesday" Rule
If while enjoying a beer with friends on a week night, the list of beers to consume suddenly climbs rapidly, a member of the
party may state “It’s Tuesday” (or enter any other day prior to a workday) thereby signaling that no
more beers may be added to the list. If the queu of beers continues to grow,
another signal of “It’s Tuesday” can be uttered thereby establishing that only one more beer may be consumed. "No Mas" must be announced after drinking the established last beer of the sitting.
The "Sam On" Rule will not apply under this rule.
Rule #7: The Burke "Old Horizontal" Rule
Faculty
members are prohibited from enjoying Belgian Ales (or any other fine libation of significant alcohol content) without first
being in a state of physical, emotional and/or spiritual preparedness. This is especially important if consumption is
to occur before noon local time and you're standing in the blazing sun. Examples of adequate preparedness include (but not
limited to) being rested, avoiding medications with serious alcohol warnings, and having consumed requisite nourishment.
Failure to heed this rule may lead to you finding yourself covered in mulch and looking upward at the sky with that "what
the hell just happened?" look on your face. In addition to the medical hazards, FU staff members are permitted to ridicule
you and shout Old Horizontal !!! in unison.
Rule #8: The President's Agenda: "No Beer Left Behind" Rule
Faculty
members and students are prohibited from bringing crappy beer to any event and abandoning said property for the
sole purpose of eliminating unwanted beer inventory. The University encourages the sharing unwanted crappy beer or inventory
with family members and coworkers. Chances are they'll think it's really exotic beer because of the pretty labels
and will appreciate the gesture more than university staff. Please Note: An exception to this rule is granted if
the "place of abandonment" has (a) excess beer storage capacity, (b) more wine on hand than beer or (c) two or more faculty
members in attendance are in agreement that it is better to abandon said inventory than carry it to the curb. In
this case, abandoning unwanted beer is a considerate gesture and should be considered God's will.
Rule #9: The No Golden Shower Rule
Suffice it to say that removing the cap or cork from a vessel whose contents are
under pressure shall be left to professionals. Therefore, it is heretofore unlawful for all but the most experienced
of faculty members to open beers known to be self-pouring. It is further provided that if inexperienced staff
members do attempt to open a known self-pouring beer, it must be opened with the top of the bottle pointed away from others
especially if the ambient temperature is below 60 deg F.
Rule #10: The Aunt Evelyn Rule
Elevating the understanding, the diversity and the nobility of beer just isn’t possible
with bad or non-alcoholic beer. Therefore, in tribute to the life of Aunt Evelyn, FU’s own “Ambassador of
Beer”, it is demanded that forevermore there must always be “beer in our beer”.
